[long time no updates :D]

So, I have been taking care of him by myself since he's 2.5 mo. Now he's 4.5mo. Cheers to me! :P

It's not easy to do it, especially that I have to take care of my husband and me as well. However I do it day by day. Some days I felt like tiring, but still I survived.

My lovely boy is healthy and happy! He's not crawled yet. He likes standing and he starts being able to sit :)

His first food was apple juice. Given at weeks 20th due to his constipation :D

No teething problem yet i think.

Yesterday was strange, he's soo fussy and kept biting the teething toy.. I gave panadolBaby. After a while he's still agitated until it's time to take a bath. He's soooo happy.. also when I gave him cereal. He refused milk, but opened his mouth to the bland taste of cereal :D 

Now maybe yesterday he's just hungry.

He wakes up now, have to run ;)

[by this time last year]

Honestly I forgot what did I do, feel, think by this time last year.

I found one blog about a mother that lost her baby girl after 11  months struggling. She was born 3 months earlier than the due date. I passed this one when I was looking about kangaroo care. I was actually looking about one baby wrap's site that explained thing like kangaroo care for preemies. Anyway, it brought tears eventhough it wasn't my experience.

Mine was easier. Just 5 days. Her? 11 months.

Mine was harder. She's our first one. Her? third.

I felt sad reading that. Not for her, actually, but more like the kind of sadness that brings gratefulness. I  read it while I was holding my baby boy close to me. I felt pain when I remembered the past we had, but then I felt grateful for the one I was holding close to me.

The kind of tears that made me able to say, "thank You, Lord".

I remember those days (again) when I prayed for God to spare her life. 2 days after, I felt like praying please heal her, either here, or there.

For the total 5 days she wasn't really breathing by herself. Logically, a severe brain damage was in place. This would leave her like vegetable. I didn't think about this.

Now that I reflect myself and the past, I could say that sometimes we don't know what we ask in prayer. If we asked her to be alive, could we handle her? We said we could, but really?

It would cost us energy and almost everything. Also our marriage, perhaps.

however, I am grateful because God, in His sovereignty, knew the BEST. the BEST. for her. for us.

so today, looking outside the window and seeing beautiful hill and sun, I praise my God. I celebrate my past. I celebrate my present.

and dear daughter, see you in Heaven.

[Iosua, almost 11weeks]

Sorry for the almost rotten blog  :)) we're busy raising our sweet son. Will fill this up soon (or later). But for sure before he reaches his 16th birthday ;)

Things happened not as i predicted. Should be 13 july but guess who showed up yesterday? Our son :)

the night before we had dinner with friends and went to McDonald's until 10.30 pm i think. At 1 am i started feeling contraction but i abandoned it because i thougt it was irregular, so could be false labor. I kept waking up and even took a dip inside our bathtub. It didn't help too much.. At 4 the contactions started every 5 mins, and at 5, 3 mins. We decided to contact our doctor and went straight to hospital. My water didn't break, but it was okay so the baby was still hydrated. :)

i couldnt take epidural because doctor said i'd be done in half an hour. I was scared because it was not like what i planned... And i was worried about the pain.

But the moment i found out i had to give birth without epidural, along with the worries and fears, i found peace. When this thing happens, i know that it is God telling me that it's going to be okay.

It wasn't as bad as i thought.. The pain was more like uneasiness.. Disturbing feeling. Pushing made it wayyy better.

2nd July 2011, 7am, 3.48kg, 51 cm. Apgar scale 10. He was born..

[forgetfulness]

I'd wish this is only a temporary effect of pregnancy. Lately i have dependency on organizer. Not the one from mobile but the real, paper-pen-pencil kind..

Some say that wives are external hard drive for husbands. But when it's about ourselves, I guess the one manual-basic ones will work well:)

[lipton black tea + milk]

it's called tea with milk. I start liking it! :) I didn't buy this one cause it's not available here.. i made it from their tea plus UHT milk. I like their tea a lot. The taste is so... Lipton :D

[updates, little]

Getting closer to week 38 :) still hoping to give birth naturally (with epidural :D- unnatural chemical :D)

Yesterday I made it  to the 1st nephew's wedding. It was short, 5 hours something. It's good because my ass was hurt from sitting. I went to the blessing at church too (so add another 2.5 hours to that 5 hours something).

Picture of us when we went to get some air in between the wedding party. I gain weight and indeed look chubbier. But it's okay :) part of the maternal job :)

Last Saturday we finally finished mounting baby's bed :)


it's called Transformer Bed. I can use it (hopefully) until the baby is bigger, like... 7-8 years :)

And I have a hairy visitor. He has home but he just like playing here..
bet when he grows older he'll be as ugly as the mother. I want a small dog, not the one that is tall and big. I have 1 already :D

I wish they could stay cute..

[baby ++]

So i went to doctor yesterday, had the heartbeats and movements monitored and turned out all went okay. Now he is 3.05kg approximately. He said i still could give birth normally (yee).

Going to have another blood test 1 week before giving birth and went to his clinic again. Last year when he checked me last time he predicted the baby would be out in no time and he was correct. Went there Thursday and Sunday had water broke :)

Another thing.. yesterday we had visit from my nephew's future mother in law. My mood wasn't at the right place and I just had enough of people visiting us. The children, the messiness afterwards...

I'm glad Mr. N was very patient and helpful.. but yesterday I had my ENOUGH moment totally. Not to him, but to the situation in which I'm in.

I wonder if people would stop asking me if i like being here. The answer is no. I am here because Mr. N is here.

When I have a high state of  emotion, usually I will feel joints pain.. left arm/hand. Always. I've been feeling it since yesterday.

KLM have no restriction to pregnant lady who wants to fly. Isn't it tempting?